Five tough love steps for losing weight

UHG, let’s face it, losing weight is hard. It’s work. It takes dedication, planning and the mental ability to move past the failures of “last time”. No matter what plan or diet you decide is right for you, this shit is tough. Since I have lost weight more than once in my life, I thought I’d share with you what’s made me a success on this frustrating rollercoaster of health and fitness.

The first time I found myself a bit plumper than wanted, was the infamous freshman 15. I think many of us have been there and know that it’s a result of late nights, cafeteria food and microwave mac and cheese in the dorm room. Not to mention the overindulgence of beer and cocktails followed by late night eating sessions at whatever restaurant happens to be open at 3 AM. In the college town I lived in it was Denny’s and Taco Bell. Yup, not the best choices. Back then, I had metabolism on my side. A few times in the gym a week and just being more active, simply did the trick.

Then enter motherhood…in my thirties…working a full time job. Do you want the gory details? I say hell yes, let’s hear all about it! Here’s my confession: I love food! In my twenties I often said I work out just so I can eat whatever I want. In my thirties I could kind of still get away with that…until my first pregnancy. When I was pregnant with Ivy, I literally ate whatever and whenever I wanted. There was not a food (besides the pregnancy do not eat list) that went untouched. I stayed active, going to the gym about 5 days a week, and running and weight lifting, but all the exercise in the world was not going to stop weight gain because of all the stuff I was shoveling in my face. I was fat and happy. At about 30 weeks, I asked my midwife to stop reporting my weight to me. I simply closed my eyes and she wrote it down. My request for this non-disclosure agreement came after an appointment where I had exceeded my husband’s weight. Can you believe I never once thought about how hard it was going to be to lose it? Month after month, I’d show up in my local consignment shop searching for bigger maternity clothes. None of this phased me. I was SO fat and happy! My best guess is that I topped out around 200 pounds, but again, I can’t be sure because my lovely midwife adhered so well to my request. It took about a year to get within 10 pounds of my pre-baby weight. I called that good enough and loved my body for what it had been through and what it had created.

With the pregnancy of Ian, you better believe I was a little more conscious of what I stuffed in my face. I knew it would be tougher because my husband would be gone for 8 ½ months. This meant I would be caring for a toddler on my own, working a full time job and growing a tiny human inside of me. I think you’ll agree that’s a lot to do by yourself! With the giant weight gain from my first in the front of my mind, I was much more mindful this time around, although still gave myself tons of liberties because hey, I was in up to my eyeballs and ate out of stress frequently. I gained about 40 pounds with Ian. I knew weight loss would still be difficult, but less weight would be easier, right? UM, can I just tell you I was completely mistaken? Weight loss, no matter how much, is tough. It makes no difference if it’s 70, 40 or 10; it’s freaking hard work! It also took me about a year to lose that 40 pounds.

Once again, I got within 10 pounds of my pre-prego weight and just tried to accept my new body. I even cleaned out my closet and got rid of all the stuff I was sure I’d never fit into again. Fast forward to 2015, with a new house, new town and new job and my weight steadily crept up. You should know that I hate the scale. For basically my entire adult life, I did not own a scale. I only weighed myself every couple of weeks when I wanted more torture at the gym. At this point I was close to 20 pounds over my pre-pregnancy weight. “WTF” I thought over and over to myself. “How did I let myself get here?” What’s a girl to do? I felt desperate. I felt defeated and disgusted with myself. I knew I needed something different. It’s important to note that I was exercising that entire time. That means I shouldn’t have gained any weight, right?

Friends, I’m here to tell you that’s not true. Here’s what I did: I asked for a Fitbit for Christmas and started a “biggest loser” contest with my coworkers. I knew I needed more motivation. I knew I needed more because I was already into fitness. I enjoyed it and had been doing it for years. But I was getting older. My body was changing, but I was not changing any of my habits, plain and simple. All the participants put in $10 and the pool went up to about $170! Money is a great motivator for real! I just kept thinking of all the pretty things I could buy with that money; this girl loves to shop! I continued to work out during the contest and changed my diet by being diligent about reading labels and eating as few processed foods as possible. Beyond that, I had no plan. I worked really hard, but still didn’t reach my pre-pregnancy goal from (at the time) 6 years prior. Once again, I just worked at making healthy choices and accepting my body for having made two children and getting older.

My very last weight loss plight came about a year after joining Beachbody with a program called 80 Day Obsession. The Beachbody programs, not only included an exercise routine and calendar developed by professionals, they also include a nutrition plan that’s very sensible and easy to follow. Can you guess what happened? Lost the rest of the baby weight you say? NOPE. I lost not one pound. I felt pretty good but knew I had to recommit after the first 80 days because I made one giant mistake. I was still eating whatever the hell I wanted.

Honesty with myself, coupled with the realization that I just worked my tail off for 80 days and still had a baby pooch, meant that I got serious and truly committed to the plan. I wondered what in the world would happen if I really committed to myself. My fortieth birthday was looming in the near future and although I didn’t feel old, I may have felt like I had something to prove to myself. I wasn’t fat, but I wasn’t happy. I never wanted to be in front of my husband (if you know what I mean) never felt confident in those dreaded skinny jeans (I curse the person who created those) or a bathing suit. So I went all in for the first time EVER. Seriously, first time in 15 years I went all in with a healthy lifestyle change. I followed the plan to a freaking T. I was, indeed a rock star! I went to countless birthday parties and BBQ’s and passed on the sweet treats, pizza, nachos and cheeseburgers. Now can you guess what happened? You better believe that at 40 years old, I got down to my 20-something weight and looked better than ever! More importantly than looking good is how I felt. I felt AMAZING! I had an infinite supply of energy and confidence, not to mention that I was super happy and positive and felt like I could conquer anything. I really did feel like a rock star, like a superhero even!

Now that I’ve spewed out my entire health and fitness history; all 15 plus years of it, can you tell what the secret is?

1. Take responsibility and be honest with yourself: There is nothing that will ruin your success in life more than not taking responsibility for your own actions. You have far more power in this life than you think. Yes, you’re busy, yes, your coworkers bring in donuts, yes, you’re tired and yes, you have to go to countless kid birthday parties and social events where all you want to do is eat. But it’s still your responsibility to not eat the shit that is unhealthy (all the time). No one is going to stuff a cupcake down your throat. Do you know I have actually had someone say that people who decline a cupcake at a birthday party are acting like they’re better than everyone else?! What in the what? Do you know what is not your responsibility? Other people’s opinions. Your choices are your choices. You don’t have to explain to anyone. Another person’s perception has nothing to do with you, but everything to do with them. It’s your responsibility to wake up in the morning and workout, to stop binge watching Netflix late at night so you get a good night’s sleep to work out. It’s your responsibility to buy healthy food and prepare it. Now, let’s chat about that honesty piece of the puzzle. You guys, for years and years I was half committed to myself and woke up every morning and bold-faced lied to myself in the mirror. I’d say things like, “I don’t understand why these pants still don’t fit” “I don’t understand why I still feel like shit”. Come on now, get out of the rut of victim and denial and get honest with yourself. I was half committed for years. I was stuffing my face with pizza and donuts and wondering why I couldn’t lose the last 10 pounds. Do yourself a favor and cut the victim and denial crap. Yes, this is tough, but you are tougher.

2. Surround yourself with people you aspire to be like: If you want to get fit, lose weight, run a marathon or just be stronger, you need to hang around those types of people. Don’t let them intimidate you, befriend them and learn from them. Let them influence you. Observe their habits and lifestyle. Listen, plain and simple, if you want to lose weight but are still hanging out with the same people, eating happy hour appetizers, you’re not going to lose weight. I am absolutely not inferring that you ditch life-long friends or family. I’m simply saying you need to add new friends! Sure, you can still go to happy hour every once in a while, but please for the love of everything that’s holy, refer to number one when you do. You do not have to eat what they eat or drink what they drink. You be you and let them be them. Will people offer you food and drinks? You betcha, but your response is all up to you. Jim Rohn says, “You become like the five people you spend the most time with. Choose carefully.”

3. Make a goal and a reasonable plan: I think we all know the importance of goals. It gives you something to move towards! Remember this though, a goal can be detrimental to progress when the plan associated with the goal is unreasonable. Say you want to lose 30 pounds. If your plan is to work out 7 days a week and jump on the latest fad diet and have the weight off in three months so you can wear a bikini on your vacation, then most likely, you’re shooting yourself in the foot. If your lifestyle right now includes no exercise and carbs at every meal, it might be too drastic of a change. As Jon Acuff suggests in his book Finish, most of us are chronic starters and habitual quitters. We have momentum and excitement in the beginning of a goal, but then excitement fades, life happens and we quit. I love his suggestion of cutting your goal in half or doubling your plan time. You’ll be more apt to meet the goal. Then, having reached the goal, you'll have a bit more self-esteem! Feeling success creates more momentum and a feeling of achievement so we want to keep going! Set yourself up for success and achievement by lowering your goals or the plan to get there. So in the example above, try reducing your goal to losing 15 pounds, working out 3-5 days a week, eating a healthy diet full of all the food groups, and resolve to wear a cover up over your bikini on your vacation (if that makes you feel more comfortable). When you’re back from your vacation set a new goal to lose the last 15 pounds.

4. Take it one day at a time: Just like when I quit drinking, the motto was, “One day at a time.” To say that I’m going to stop drinking for the rest of my life seems like an insurmountable goal. “The rest of my life” is a little out of my reach. It’s like saying I’m going to climb Mount Everest having no hiking experience or oxygen tank. When you cut your goals into one day at a time, it’s something that seems achievable! Try this: I just have to eat an extra serving of vegetables and drink more water today. Not tomorrow and not for the rest of my life. Then, you wake up the next morning, having that victory of yesterday under your belt and you say this: Just for today I will eat an extra serving of vegetables and more water. Before you know it, you have strung together a week of a new healthy habit and then a month and then six months.

5. Stop freaking comparing your journey to others: “Compare and despair” is one of my favorite sayings! Nothing good ever comes from comparing ourselves to others. Have you ever accomplished something that you’re super proud of? Say you finally got into a size 12 jeans after working for months and months. Then you share your exciting accomplishment with someone and they proceed to tell you that they finally squeezed back into their size eight jeans six months postpartum. That feels awful! Damn that bitch for doing that! The second you compare your journey and accomplishment with hers, it somehow diminishes yours. The next thing you know, you’re scarfing down a box of Girl Scout cookies and skipping your next workout (or ten) because you let someone else’s achievement steal the glory of yours. What other people do is none of your business! Practice being happy for others achievements. And then, put it in a box and never look at it again. Your achievements are special to you and they are so so amazing!

There you have it; all of my secrets in a few paragraphs. Yes, losing weight is hard, but it’s hard because we make it that way. Being a Beachbody coach I have a ton of resources to share with you about eating healthy and exercising, so always feel free to strike up a conversation with me about those! Set yourself up for success with a positive mindset and reasonable goals. Love yourself and your body for what it does for you today and always remember that the only way you will fail is if you quit. Keep trying and each little victory will turn into a big fat goal achievement!