I’m not just blowing smoke up your…

I love a good routine. I thrive on a routine and have been like this for the better part of my adult life. For example, I get up every morning and head straight for the coffee pot, workout at the same time every day and on Sundays I wash the linens in my house. There’s a bunch of other things I do routinely, but seriously, it’d be a yawn-fest if I kept going. Basically everything I do is tied to some sort of routine. That was no different when I smoked a pack of cigarettes a day! I had a fantastic routine surrounding that too.

Back in my twenties, I started every morning with a cup a Joe and a Camel light (or Marlboro light, depending on my phase). Every time I got in my car, I lit up. Every time I had an idle 2 minutes, I lit up. Whenever I was stressed, I lit up. Whenever I celebrated, I lit up. I even celebrated a good workout by lighting up in the gym parking lot! Makes sense, right? It was my reason to take a break when I waitressed. It was my escape when things got too people-y and always provided me with a good gossip circle when I wanted. If you think there’s good talk around the office water cooler, you should try a smoke circle.

In an effort to bring awareness to heart disease (which my father died of this past November), I wanted to expand on the blog post I wrote on February 8. If you haven’t read it, check out the link here! Heart disease is the leading cause of death in America, and has been for quite some time. Although a component of the disease is hereditary, there’s also so much we can do to prevent it. One of those ways is to be smoke free!

Being an ex-smoker myself, I cannot deny how highly addictive cigarettes are; however, in my experience, more addicting than the actual nicotine, is the habit I had created around smoking. Before I go into how I quit almost 13 years ago though, let’s go way back to when I took my first drag: in high school. I’m a WHY person and most of the time figuring out why helps me solve a problem.

I started smoking in school because it made me feel cool; like I was part of a group and I belonged. I vividly remember how disgusting cigarettes smelled and tasted and even made me dizzy. I remember like it was yesterday, how with every single puff, I knew it was really bad for me. I knew my parents would be disappointed and that I could get in trouble at school. So what’s a girl to do? Not get caught of course (God help me when my kids are teens).

Fast forward to living on the east coast in the late 90’s and it still made me feel like I belonged when I moved to a new place; I simply found my people- the smokers. My habit soon morphed into doing everything with a smoke. With a pack a day habit, you might be able to imagine how I was pissed every single time I bought a pack because it was such a colossal waste of money ($5/pack). So I vowed to quit…more than once…too many times to count. I found quitting buddies, bought Nicorette gum, the patch and even regular gum. Sometimes I made it three days, sometimes I made it three hours. I knew I needed to quit, but oddly enough, it was more for financial reasons than health reasons. In my twenties I was completely bulletproof.

Here I am sporting the patch...One of my failures

I spent years trying to quit, with zero long-term success. Each time I tried to quit, my self-esteem sank further and further because of my constant failure. It was about 2 ½ years after I had kicked my alcohol and drug problem that I was finally ready to say “so long” to my longest running habit; smoking. So how did I do it? What was my secret? You ready? Because you might not believe it. The secret was me. The secret is digging deep and doing the tough work. The secret is dedication to change, self-awareness, walking through the shitty stuff and completely believing that I could do it. That’s it, that’s how I quit. You might be thinking, “WTF, this is not what I was looking for,” but when I quit nearly 13 years ago, it was not with any type of aide. After all, I had tried those and failed each time.

Here’s the work I did to quit smoking:

Figure out my WHY

Keep in mind there are two different why’s here. The first why, is why did I smoke? I knew it was partially habit and a major crutch. I looked at the times of day I lit up: morning with my coffee, driving (always driving) after a meal, after sex, during breaks at work, when I was bored, sad, lonely, tired, excited, celebrating, and well, breathing and awake. I basically smoked all the time. It was part of me. How daunting, right? I realized after reading a lot that I needed to not only make a total mind shift, but also resort to good ole fashioned praying and also focus on one day at a time. I worked hard to find the confidence in myself, that I could accomplish this. I needed to find the confidence that I could “deal” with life and emotions without a crutch. I said a lot of affirmations. The second why, was why did I want to quit? For me, I was completely fed up with feeling completely out of control. I also didn’t want to be a walking hypocrite anymore (I exercised and ate healthy, yet smoked). Also, I hated the way other smokers smelled (of course I didn’t smell myself).

Replace my behavior (habit)

After doing some research on the internet, I knew I needed something in my hands while driving, to change my morning cup of coffee routine and to find other ways to cope with anxiety and other negative feelings. And truly, I couldn’t find myself bored. I put a pencil in my Hyundai Accent and held it in my hand when driving. I decided to sit somewhere different for morning coffee and not watch the news. At work, I guess you could say I made new friends to hang out with for down time instead of standing next to the dumpster with my ole smoking besties. I chewed regular gum (a lot). I replaced my old habit of smoking with new behaviors. Although I didn’t read this book when I quit smoking, this is a great resource for changing habits.

Make a decision to commit

I realize this might seem a little simplistic, but the best things in life are those that are the simplest. I didn’t need to stock up on the gum or a patch and make sure I was getting the right dose of the patch. We have so much within in ourselves that we just don’t use! In my experience when I’ve looked for that magic fix, to help change something about me, it just doesn’t exist. The idea exists, but nothing can change you, except you. You are the magic solution. You have everything you need within you!

Were the first few days tough? Absolutely. Were the first couple of weeks tough? Well, hell to the yes they were! We’re talking about one of the most addictive substance on the planet. Did I still have cravings from time to time? You bet your bottom dollar I did. After 13 years of quitting do I occasionally still think about puffing away my stress and anxiety? I do actually. I don’t think about it that often, but for example, when my father died, I wanted to give up on everything and buy me a nice hard pack a smokes.

Quitting any habit and starting a new one is one of the toughest things to do in life. But the very best news is that it’s possible and people do it every day. The people who quit (me for example) don’t have anything that you don’t. Find your confidence, find your belief, make a choice and get to work. Walking through personal change can be like walking through fire, but usually, staying stuck is so much worse of an outcome. Walking through fire doesn’t hurt as bad as standing still in it.

#quitsmoking #heartdisease #americanheartmonth