Look for the beauty in the valley

What happens when you build your career around being inspirational, motivational and all around excited about life…and then life happens, and you’re just not any of those things? Or maybe you don’t build your career around it, but you’re generally the “glass is half full” type of person and then it seem like life just picked up your damn glass and threw it against a wall and smashed it into a thousand pieces? This is what I’ve been wondering for a few weeks now.

As always, I’m honest with you guys. When you manage and write a blog called The Inspired Mess and you’re more of the latter than inspired, it makes life and work a little tough. Hell, it makes getting out of bed tough, being a mom tough, smiling tough. That’s where I’m at right now after losing my dad. It feels like the grieving “process” has taken away part of my identity. I just came off of one of the best years of my life; no shit! And now, well now, I'm not.

From November of 2017 to November of 2018, I was in my groove. I found a new confidence about myself, a new path, a new love for being a mom, a new strength in my marriage. Honestly, I felt untouchable. I had climbed a mountain and reached the peak! Don’t get me wrong, every day of those 365 were not awesome, but as a whole, I was on top of my game, my life and myself. Then, tragedy struck with my father’s death. The dust has settled from the initial shock and funeral and everything else and it’s back to everyday, normal life.

So what's "normal" look like now? I am no longer excited about waking up in the morning, writing, talking with and coaching people or exercising. It seems as though, I’m no longer me. I’m not writing this for pity, because pity feels terrible. I’m writing this because we all experience tragedy; it’s part of being human and if there’s one thing I’m learning it’s that tragedy feels really lonely.

A typical day during my, let’s call it, “super year” was one of bouncing around from task to task, always fitting in my exercise, being happy to gnaw on some raw veggies dipped in hummus for a snack. I was excited to meet new people online and in person and get to know them and build relationships; it was like an adventure and I was the captain of my ship! Most days I had energy and inspiration coursing through my veins and rainbows shooting out of my ass. But today, is just a different story, as it should be when experiencing tragedy.

Today, I jump out of bed only to turn off my alarm that’s across the room because I don’t want to wake up my kids. I shuffle to the coffee pot, which actually is no different than during my “super year” (mornings are tough) and I sit quietly in the corner of my living room for my Miracle Morning routine. After a couple sips of joe, I’m awake enough to realize that I want to go back to bed and about 50% of the time, I actually do. The other half of the time, I’m able to convince myself to write, work on my blog and look for freelance work. With each task though, it’s like I’m working against some magnetic force constantly pulling me back.

Want to know what's even tougher than the mornings? It's the freakin afternoons. Yesterday for example, after I got done on the treadmill, I raided my kids’ school snack bucket and watched the Bachelor (insert eye roll). I ate, not one, but three packages of ritz crackers with that yellow colored cheese paste filling that I’m positive is not actually food. How’s that for messy and uninspired? The only thing I had going for me was the fact that I was not laying on my couch with crumbs going down my shirt. For the record though, if I had been laying on the coach, I would have eaten every last crumb…I’m tidy like that. I might be a mess, but I’m no slob!

This is where I’m at right now and ya know what? It’s okay. I’m okay, and if you’re in a similar spot, you’re okay. It’s okay to not always be “on”. It’s okay to go through rough patches in life; that’s just life. We experience the valleys so the true beauty of the peaks shine brighter. There’s beauty in the valley though, too. The sun still shines in the valley from time to time. There's flowers in the valley and water runs through the valley. These beautiful gifts I see everyday (if I look) give me hope and strength that I'll make it back up to the peak one day.

Everything looks different in the valley. After all, it's a totally different perspective than the peak, so it should look different. It feels different, but as we've all heard before, different is not bad. Different is different and that’s where I’m at right now. It’s not bad, it just is and every day I strive to just be here and be okay with it. The sun still shines in the valley, because the sky is big enough and glorious enough to do that. It warms me enough to get to the next hour, or the next day.

In the valley, there’s still things to be grateful for. There’s still joy. It’s just different. If you’re in a valley right now, know that as long as you put one foot in front of the other, no matter how small a step or how slow or even if you take five steps backward, you're still moving and before you know it, you will see the peak again.

Here’s how I’m getting through the valley:

1. Lean on the good. No matter how bad you feel always come back to gratitude. Make gratitude lists, recite things you're grateful for in your head as you walk, do the dishes or fall asleep. Talk about what you're grateful for with family and friends.

2. Be real about where you’re at. Talk to and lean on someone you can be completely honest with. You can't fake your way out of the valley. Be real, be honest, but always go back to gratitude. It will bring a smile to your face and warm your heart just a enough to keep moving.

3. Be okay with the valley. Acceptance for where you’re at will bring peace.

4. Keep moving and trying. No matter if you take 10 steps forward or 5 backward, maintain perseverance to keep moving.

5. Pray to whatever God you believe in. Having faith that everything will be okay and you will get through the valley will help with gratitude, honesty, acceptance and perseverance.

No matter the reason for being in the valley, we must still use the same tools to get through it. It’s true, grief is like nothing else I’ve ever experienced, but I have experienced many other valleys in my life and I have always climbed back up to the peak again, and so can you.