Resiliency shows up in tiny ways

It’s easy to see the hardships, tragedies, injustices and downright shittiness of the world and of the humans who live in it. These are the things that usually get the most “likes” on social media and gets viewership up on television networks. It’s what gets us talking at coffee shops, with strangers and friends alike; we all like a little drama. But how often do we follow those hardships, tragedies and adversities through to witness the resilience that’s needed to move past them?

As I spent a quiet day at home (harvesting chickens-that’s another blog) on the birthday of our nation, I took some time to reflect on our country and the past year or so for me personally. Although much has gone on in the last year for our country, I honestly don’t’ spend too much time or energy on stuff that’s out of my control. Whether that’s good or bad, that’s just how I roll.

Just like our great nation has gone through countless hardships and tragedies, so have the individuals who make it great! But it’s not about the tragedies and adversities; it’s about the resiliency that we show as individuals and as a country.

Resiliency, as defined in Merriam Webster is “an ability to recover from or adjust easily to adversity or change.” I’m not exactly a history buff but I think it’s safe to say that our nation has a proven track record of being resilient, but America, could not be resilient without the people in it.

I agree with the definition from good ole Meriam, but I think the word “easily” is misleading. No matter how big or small your adversity or change is that you experience, when you’re in the midst of it, it’s anything but easy. Resilient people put one foot in front of the other (no matter how small the step) to move past the adversity, but on most days, it’s anything but easy. When you’re in the midst of adversity, being resilient feels like being weighed down and still trying to move in quicksand.

It might appear easy from the outside because the person continues to move through the adversity, but from the inside, it’s anything but easy.

My parents showed resilience in their marriage on several occasions when I was growing up. Of course back then, I didn’t have the right word to describe it or even the awareness to know they were doing something great. When I got sober, I wasn’t conscious of the level of resiliency I was showing at the time, but looking back, clearly I showed resilience.

When my husband got laid off from job after job during 2008-09 it was anything but easy for him (and us), but he kept moving, kept trying; he (we) were resilient. When our nation came together after 9-11 it was anything but easy, but we did it. Most of us are resilient. And although divided on many issues, we still show resilience in moving forward for our great nation.

We all have the ability to rise through adversity and come out looking resilient, we just don’t know how resilient we are until faced with tough times.

Resiliency is invisible in the middle of a tough time or tragedy, though. Resiliency is a positive and virtuous trait, but when you’re in the middle of a tough time, it’s impossible to feel positive or virtuous. During tough times, you’re simply trying to get out of bed in the morning and get through the day task by task and minute by minute.

You may know that my father passed away suddenly at the end of November leaving us in the midst of a tragedy and feeling lost, but during the last 6 months resilience has been showing up in near invisible ways. My mom found herself living alone for the first time in her life. Go ahead and let that sink in; she’s 68 and has never lived by herself.

She’s always had someone physically by her side. Although there are countless people supporting her from afar, it’s just not the same as having someone physically there. And think about this: my mom and dad were married for nearly 50 years. They each played a role in their partnership. Where one person lacked, the other picked up the slack. They had routines, plans, dreams, banter, mutual support…for nearly 50 years. We can all agree that’s a big change.

This past weekend my family and I went to visit my mom. We enjoyed a good mix of fun and relaxation and work and getting dirty. In the midst of our long weekend, there was a moment I stopped what I was doing to watch my mom mow the lawn.

It was something I’d never seen before; I’d never seen my mom mow the lawn. It’s not that I thought she couldn’t, I’d just never thought about it, never pictured it, never thought about my parents having different roles. Yet there she was, driving one of those riding lawn mowers with two vertical handles instead of a steering wheel. Weeks earlier she laughed about how she almost threw herself off because it turns so fast. She said it was kind of like the Tilt-o-whirl in one of those traveling carnivals.

I knew she had mowed the lawn since my dad died, but until that moment of watching her, it didn’t hit me just how amazing that task really is. That simple, everyday task to me is a symbol of my mom’s resilience. For months since my dad passed, I’ve seen her continue to live her life, getting out of bed when I’m sure she didn’t want to. Even cooking for one person instead of two brought difficulty. She’s paid bills, spent time with family and friends, bought a weed whacker and changed batteries in smoke detectors. All normal everyday acts for sure; I can’t argue with that. But when put into context, they’re true symbols of resilience. Symbols of what that woman is made of.

To a person in the midst of a tragedy, these things are monumental. These are the things that matter. These are the things that show us what we’re made of, how strong our faith is and how much drive and motivation are within us.

Resiliency is within all of us. It shows up in the small everyday tasks when we continue to live our lives. No matter what adversity or tragedy you’re going through right now, know that those small, every day acts are resiliency shining through. Those are the things that tell you you’re going to make it, you’re going to be okay.

Will you feel resilient while going through a tragedy? Probably not. You’re likely to feel like you’re failing on some days or that you just can’t possibly go on, but keep faith, stay close to those who support you and lift you up and face every moment with a positive mindset and open heart, like my mom and so many other people who continue to live after their world is rocked.

Choose to look for resilience in others. The resiliency of individuals add up to the resiliency of our country, and that’s magnificent! Choose not to dwell on the all the bad in the world. Choose to change your focus and use the resilience of others to be a guiding light of positivity and hope.