What lens are you looking through?

I bet you’ve heard the saying, “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder” before. Sure, we all have different tastes, different opinions and different experiences that shape our ideals of beauty. That’s pretty mainstream stuff, so why would I bother writing about it? The way you see beauty is not just the face value of people, objects and places. The way you see beauty is directly related to how you see the beauty within yourself.

Some of you might look at this picture and just see boring brown grass. No green trees or flowers or snow-capped mountains or lakes. You might even feel sad when you look at this picture. It wasn’t that long ago that I saw sadness in this type of landscape. I saw hopelessness in the brown grass, despair in the lack of trees and utter disappointment in the sheer plainness of the landscape. Can you believe it stays like this for the winter months? And people live here? Sure we get snowfall that gives the place a magnificent makeover from God himself. The rolling hills are blanketed with soft pureness that brings a little hope to each person who's been searching for it. But it never stays long. The wind always sweeps it away to Nebraska to leave us with more brown.

I lived in a similar place to this about 12 years ago. It was more desert-like with less rolling hills and more cactus and other various untouchable plants. I lived there for about 5 years and was miserable the entire time. I hated every minute I was in that place and day by day felt myself sinking further into depression and utter unhappiness on a daily basis. Driving down the highway all I saw was hopelessness and I constantly wondered how the hell the “poor” people of that town lived there for so long. I felt sorry for them. Surely they must be stuck there, with no way out of that dead end town.

What I didn’t realize until many years later is that that town was a reflection of how I viewed myself and my life at the time. When I moved there I was in the midst of a serious 20-something crisis. I was lost and smack dab in the center of my “using days”. I was untouchable, making poor choice and poor choice. I masked all of my feelings with addiction, always staying far away from people who wanted to care. The true me was nowhere to be found. When I saw the hopelessness of the town, it was actually the hopelessness of myself. My self-esteem was nonexistent, along with any trace of self-worth. When I felt sorry for the people in that town, I actually felt sorry for myself. I felt like a victim. My life was nothing like it “should” have been. I was the stuck one, not the “poor” people of the town. I was driving down the dead end road of life. Throwing every ounce of joy, self-worth and enjoyment away with every drink or drug I took. Despair and disappointment filled every fiber of my body. I saw that town through gruesome, desperate lenses.

I manifested that town through my negative view of myself and life. I made that town something it was not. I was utterly incapable of focusing on anything positive in my life, so naturally I saw only the negative things. I’m a firm believer that what you focus on, grows. In that season of my life, I could only see brown. I could only see the awful cactus. I remember wondering why God would even create something so wretched looking. I would also lay in bed at night and wonder why God continued to keep me alive; why was I created? I felt like a waste. It was a dark season in my life that often seems like a dream because it’s so drastically different from my life and how I feel about myself today.

Today, I don’t see the brown landscape. I see hues of gold and tan that were carefully painted to perfection. I see a sky so big and grand that I easily see a path to heaven. I can see the beauty with each and every differently shaped blade of grass and am mesmerized by its’ movement in the breeze. I see a land so big that there’s no need to take the road to success because it’s so open, you can create your own road in any direction. With every sliver of sun that peeks over the horizon I see hope for a new chance to do better than the day before. Each tree that’s planted, I see a story behind it. One that’s full of excitement and hope. Twelve years ago I could have lived in this same amazing place, but would have seen only brown.

How do you see your surroundings today? Do you see the beauty and the hope or do you see the ugliness? Practice mindfulness today. Stop for a moment and notice what you truly see. How you truly feel. Close your eyes and breathe deep. Does it feel light and free? Or maybe it feels murky and dull. Simply notice how you feel where you’re at today. It’s not right or wrong. You’re not bad or good. It just is. Maybe there’s some work to be done so you can see your surroundings in a different light. The road I traveled to get to the place I am today was not a straight road. In fact, I don’t even think it was one single road. I made lots of turns and fell down along the way.

The only thing you need to move past the negative space you’re in is desire and a willingness. A desire to see things differently and feel differently and the willingness to change just one small thing today. This always starts with gratitude. Start with gratitude today and intentionally see three things you’re thankful for. Maybe today your gratitude will only go as far as the shoes on your feet or the air that you breathe. But trust that gratitude, when practiced daily will change the landscape around you. It will open your eyes to beauty that simply didn’t exist in your eyes before.

Comment below on what you’re thankful for today. If you have a tough time with gratitude, it’s okay! Start small. As you walk through your morning and into your day, be thankful for the little things. For example, when you brush your teeth, be thankful for the toothbrush, or the water. When you take that first sip of coffee, be thankful for the cup. When you’re alarm goes off, be thankful for your phone or your alarm clock so you can get to where you need to be. Start small and your list will soon grow and so will the beauty around you!